lou walsh, lcpc

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chicago, illinois 60602

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How To Identify (And Run Away From) Peter Pan

“Adulescent”, a fusion of the words “adult” and “adolescent”, is the New Millennium nomenclature describing “men and women who refuse to live their age”, according Faith Popcorn in Talk Magazine.  To committable people everywhere, however,”adulescent” is just a modern designation for Pete Pan types, those people who use old baggage fro previous relationships or other excuses as a defense against commitment.

We all know what we don’t like about bad boys (or girls), but can we recognize and effectively protect ourselves and warn our single friends away from these perpetual youngsters in time to save months, even years, of dating anguish?

“Immature thought, manner of dress and avoidance of responsibility” are said to be the hallmarks of this new subject of scholarly inquiry (There is actually a class taught at the University of London titled “The Adulescent Society:  The Quest for Youth”).  Let’s get specific, however, because not every trendily dressed man or woman is a bad person,and most people don’t walk around with “Avoidance of Responsibility” and “Thinking Immature Thoughts” stamped on their foreheads, in order to aid us in evading them.  The practice of identifying Peter Pan is a skill committable people everywhere need to hone.

So, here are the three criteria to compare a potential Peter Pan to the archetypal Good Guy in order to understand his ilk (In this article, the “guy” is the masculine energy partner of the relationship - see previous newsletters or just call me):  First, after the three month “honeymoon” phase, is he generous?  This is not to say that a man needs to buy us a Porsche in order to prove his love, but on the other hand, he should not be phoning to say, “Remember to eat before we get together tonight.  I don’t want to have to buy you a hot dog at the game”.

Second, is he protective?  Does he do little things like open car doors for us, walk between us and the street, or hold the umbrella over us?  Or, does he wait two years to introduce us to his best friend, and then we find out it’s a former relationship?  (At this point, hopefully, we will be able to muster the self esteem to leave him).

Finally, and most importantly, does he place our feelings first?  Does he wordlessly put his arms around us when we are hurt and upset and we think we sound rational, when we’re really not making any sense at all?  Or does he lock himself in his den, angry because we want to talk about “feelings” again, and this brings up unpleasant memories of his ex?

We sensitive feminine energy types need to listen closely to hear the deal we are being asked to accept from the perpetually late, money-borrowing mooches out there, in order to identify the bedraggled bums beneath their handsome exteriors.  We’ve got to protect ourselves and place our feelings first, because he won’t.  In fact, Peter Pan will work hard to convince us not only to not listen to our wise feminine gut, but instead to waste time, money and love on him until we move on, emotionally exhausted and disappointed.

We need to learn to identify and eliminate this dope in order to leave ourselves available for Victor Very Mature.  But today’s uncommittable, time-wasting Peter Pan is not going to make it easy on us by flying around in a little green costume, which is why I urge women everywhere to keep your ears open as well as your eyes.  It’s fun to have arm candy, but when he lets go, you want to still have your watch.